What We Talk About When We Talk About Love: Bang the Drum Slowly

Somewhere out there right now there's a brother contemplating his end. He's not considering suicide; he's looking at his bank account and looking back over his life debating if he should buy her "the ring". Not every man agonizes over the decision, but it's a huge step that many of us have to be mentally prepared for far ahead of the emotional and physical acts of a lifetime commitment. The problem is, we move to the beat of a different drum, which is not in concert with the rhythm most of you sway to.

For women, marriage is the beginning of a beautiful fairy tale, filled with the stuff dreams are made of. For most men, marriage is the end to the freedom they've worked so hard to achieve and filled with the nightmares shared on many a bar stool. I have no experience with marriage and I only speak for 83% of the male population, but marriage isn't necessarily in our plans when we first meet you. Actually, the last thing we're thinking about when we first meet you is marriage. It's way down the list, below:
  1. I hope she doesn't have kids
  2. I hope she has a nice ass
  3. Please let this girl be smart
  4. Don't let this one steal
  5. Damn I'm hungry
  6. Does she have a man
  7. If she doesn't give me her number, I can find her on Facebook
  8. I hope she doesn't ask me to buy her a drink…man I hate it when they do that sh*t!

Marriage is not high on our list of priorities, it's one of those "if it happens, it happens things", but we're not looking to choose a preacher before choosing where to have our first date. Which is totally contrary to the softer sex, you guys are trying to decide if a brother should wear a cummerbund or vest, while deciding Adidas or Steve Madden's, we're just not on the same page. Slow down baby! It takes time for me to decide if I'm ready to give up the freedom of watching SportsCenter five consecutive hours and having carbs only meals for a lifetime of holy matrimony with you. Our compatibility has to be tested from the restaurant to the movie theater to the living room to the bedroom to the checking accounts. I can't marry you because I think we'll have cute kids or you'll look good in pictures, but for tax breaks I'll jump the broom with Aunt Kizzy!

I know quite a few people that have walked down the aisle and ran like hell not too long afterwards because the idea of being married beats the reality of being married. We've gotten too lazy as a culture to put the work into a successful marriage, so it's much easier to bail on your husband or wife than to lay the cards on the table and work at reaffirming your vows. What's the use in getting married if we're getting divorced at the first sign of turbulence? We could've had a white party and saved a gang of money if that's the case.

I got a partner that's been in 12 weddings over the years (yes 12), been a best man a few times, but has yet to take that one step over to the hot spot because he's not ready. It's that simple, we get married when we're ready, when you're pregnant or you've played Jason Bourne and given us an ultimatum. It seems as if you guys are always ready, I know women that go shopping for dresses and they are single as hell! Single like, "Damn girl, when was the last time you had a man?", but they up in David's Bridal every few months trying to will it to be.

I've heard one too many women say they just want to be loved right before making a decision to marry some shiftless Negro, thinking the want of love was enough to sustain the need of having a man to strengthen, support, love and honor you. I'm not sure on what planet that's an even exchange, but that trade is being made more often than it should. Boo Boo slow up the tempo, learn to love yourself honestly, find a man you can love earnestly, take your time then make it right religiously, so I won't be talking about you individually.

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