The 2010 Year in Review: Know When to Hold 'Em, Know When to Fold 'Em

Kenny Rogers never lied!


I have a theory that I'd like to share with you this morning, I like to call it "Teef's Stupid Theory of Letting Go". The basic premise is, no matter how bad things are we find it nearly impossible to let go until embarrassment overruns pride and stupidity. Sorry to let you know, but the moment you begin complaining to your girlfriends about how shiftless your man is, that's the moment you've started breaking up. And fellas, the minute you open your mouth about your relationship, you're pretty much ready to cheat. Talking freely about relationships is just not something we do well.

But we hold on, we fight, we lie to ourselves, we compromise, and we work at it, all in the name of love…and stupidity. I know being alone is a bitch, but being in a bad relationship is hell, I should know, I've put quite a few women through that hell. Have you ever seen a couple broken up in everything but attachment, that's sad isn't it? Everyone around hears all of the complaining from both parties and then they show up at a party with a jive ass fa├žade, playing like they're Jessie and Angie. Neither one of them wants to be the first to say goodbye.

Women are strong, too strong in fact, you guys are willing to put up with much more than you ever should. You call your closest girlfriend and tell her how tired you are of his trifling ass. You complain about him not having a job, lacking ambition, you having to pick up the check, suspect that he's seeing someone else, but you prefaced all of that with, "I love him, but…" I really don't see the room for 'buts', when it comes to relationships, that sounds like settling to me. If these issues are being verbalized, you really just left your man, emotionally; publicly it's a different story. That will come after you find out that your girls are calling you stupid for staying with this loser.

Melanie Fiona in her schizophrenic anthem "It Kills Me" sings, "Should I grab his cell, call this chick up, start some sh*t, then hang up." What good does that do? You've apparently found proof that he's sought something outside of you and you're debating. How about you pack your stuff, call your mama and cry, and then call your cousins to jump him? It gets worse, she goes on to sing, "Or should I be a lady, because I wanna have his babies" WTF? You still wanna have babies by the man you know has street booty? That's where the stupidity takes charge, because she doesn't want to be alone. Is being alone so bad that you're will to extend your limits to avoid it? Here's a little secret ladies, we're only going to do what you allows us to do. If the line you drew in the sand is crossed once and you've allowed it, it'll be crossed again. Next thing you know, we're on TV in a blue blazer claiming to be Buddhist.

Fellas, don't believe this theory to be gender specific, our cases are more common than you can imagine. Our drive is not really fear of being alone as much as our egos. We're all the Alpha Male until She breaks you down. Next thing you know, you've lost all of your cool and you're telling your boys, "Many times I feel like leaving, but as crazy as she is, I want her to have my kids" like Jimmy Cozier sang in his only hit "She's All I Got". We find ourselves looking through the DSM-IV to diagnose this woman, because we love her beyond her perceived mental illness and want to go half on a baby with her. All the while, your boys are looking at you like you sit down to pee.

Men don't know how to really break things off, so we wait for a woman to get fed up and walk away from the relationship. Whether we think we're protecting you or leaving the door open for a booty call, it is not our thing to step off. The problem is, women view the world through the eyes of their friends in many cases and have a bird's eye view of the bleak dating scene and can take a whole lot more than they should. Next thing you know, wedding invitations are in the mail for the unhappiest couple you ever known, a babies on the way, and then they'll break up.

So, she'll be telling her girls and Facebook how much of a deadbeat dad he is, while he's at the strip club telling his boys that he should've never gotten her pregnant! Damn shame! There's no science to any of this, it's just the way life plays out from time to time to time, but someone is reading this thinking that I'm talking about her. The truth is, I probably am and your girlfriend and the guy three cubicles down and even myself a taste. Don't take it personally, that's life.

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