Just because the mercury is gonna touch 70 degrees today, that is not a reason to bare your body to the world, keep in mind that is March 18th. This is definitely that "new-monia" weather as my grandmother used to say. We are just coming off a hurricane over the weekend and you never know, we could have a Blizzard by Tuesday.
However, I know some of you have been suffering from winter depression and cannot wait for the sunlight to dance across your face, your arms, your thighs and the small of your back.
But, before you do that, there are a few guidelines to keep in mind that will make our spring experience copasetic:
- Shea butter is your friend! Keep a tube in your purse, your glove compartment, desk, and your man's crib, everywhere! If you're gonna show your skin, at least moisturize your situation and preserve your sexy.
- Step your toe game up! If it's hammer time in your shoes, please keep them thangs to yourself! Like Eddie in "Boomerang" we are not trying to look down and see jacked up feet! With that in mind…
- Get to know your friendly Asian nail shop! They are your friends, I know times are tough, but if you insist on letting the bunions breathe, get those cuticles pushed back, a pumice stone, clip those tiger nails, get that ingrown toenail taken care of and then go for a nice spring color to show off your mood. If you can't afford to get right, holla at me, I got a few dollars for you.
- Don't be afraid to go to DSW! Treat yourself to a couple of new pairs of sandals, those joints you wore to Seaside in 1998 have seen better days.
- Words to the wise, if it moves, cover it! That goes for everything, the thighs Thanksgiving made, your stomach, and your breasts too ladies. Let's try on discretion this spring, it ain't Freaknik!
- Go easy at the hair shop! There is no need for all the wild hair styles, Dominicans are doing doobies for like $15, leave that aerodynamic mess for the ladies in the ATL!
- Fellas, I know you did a few crunches and dips, but save that for the beach. I don't want to see not one of you Niggas on any Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. shirtless! As a matter of fact, you should be at work, so if you're shirtless on MLK, I'm gonna assume you just came home!
- Cars should not ride by with the boomin' system! Fellas this is not 1987, keep your music down, ain't nobody trying to hear "O Let's Do It" at a red light!
- Conserve those vacation days! I know you've been dying to feel some warmth against your body, but chances are you're at your desk reading this at 9:22am, which means your gig may be looking for a reason to let you go. Please do not take April 1st off talking about you're using a "floating holiday" to commemorate Marvin Gaye's life, career and death!
- The most important principle of them all…time to disconnect from your winter boo! It is time to let him or her know that you spent all of those cold January nights cuddled up because you were trying to keep the PSE&G bill down!
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