Five Hunned: A View from the Couch


Today marks a milestone of sorts for me. This is my five hunneth post, that's right five hunned, not five hundred like the game (do people still play 500?), five hunned. There were a couple hundred from the days of the daily e-mail that never made it to the website, so this is officially number 5-0-0. So much has happened over the past five years; the good, the bad and the Bush, but one thing has remained constant, I've given you my unapologetic view of it all. Through all of my ups and downs, you reading what started as an e-mail to my friends every morning has kept me going and encouraged me to pursue a few goals of my own.

From the death of my great-grandparents to my appendix rupturing, you guys have read it all in these paragraphs. Just as you've read how I've felt about George W. Bush, when the levees broke, Richard Pryor's death, Schwarzeneggar not sparing Tookie's life, the deaths of Lou Rawls and Correta Scott King, Kobe's 81 points, The Three 6 Mafia winning an Oscar for "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp". While I moved to Trenton, I even talked to you about Russell and Kimora divorcing, Proof being shot, the Duke lacrosse team and how they got down with Black strippers, Karrine Steffans taking bedroom snitching mainstream, while we watched gas climb to $348 a gallon. We talked about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes getting married, going crazy, having a baby, Brad and Angelina making Black babies the new accessory, then I shared "dream boogie" with you. We had a new James Bond and a new Superman, but Christopher Reeves is still Superman to me. Bobby & Whitney called it quits, damn, didn't we think they would last forever (hell to the naw!)? We watched as Kramer went KKK and the NYPD kept their game of Cops & Niggers going by killing Sean Bell, while grills went global, Dreamgirls was reborn, I was reminded of Cochese getting killed when Bodie was murdered on "The Wire". "The Hardest Working Man in Show Business" finally stopped when James Brown died and a few days later they hanged Sadaam Hussein and the video went viral…

Anna Nicole Smith death became a spectacle, the astronaut lady drove herself to infamy, Ray-J and Kim Kardashian became famous for doing the nasty, Marion Jones was disgraced, Eddie Murphy and Scary Spice had a baby, some boy named Sanjaya stayed on American Idol too damn long, the Reality TV star was launched with New York's first season of "I Love New York", Usher married a cougar and cougars officially became a category. Paris Hilton got drunk and went to jail, again and again. I introduced the "Summer Rules" and read "Ghetto Nation", Pimp C drank his last cup of sizzurp and Ike Turner died years after his career and legacy became an abuser. Jennifer Hudson won an Oscar and has been pushing bad music at us since, Lindsay Lohan was outed as a cokehead, BET tried to create new shows, the legend of Soulja Boy was born, Britney Spears absolutely lost her mind, we learned how to "Cupid Shuffle", T.I. was caught buying a lot of guns, Michael Vick went to jail for killing some pit bulls and Gerald Levert died, damn I miss Gerald Levert. We learned about, wore black, and marched for the Jena 6…

Enter Barack Obama superstar, Fidel Castro resigned, the Lakers and Celtics brought the 80's back, Michael Phelps went gold crazy, Kobe, LeBron and the boys formed "The Redeem Team", Usain Bolt was faster than a speeding bullet, Jeremiah Wright was talking his talk, Jesse Jackson threatened the family jewels, Heath Ledger lost a battle to drugs, Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes left us within 24 hours of another. Jay-Z put a ring on it, The Dark Knight made a billi, Lil' Wayne sold a milli (in the first week), Meet the Browns was silly. Iron Man was hot! Slumdog Millionaire makes Bollywood viable, Mickey Rourke and his new face make a comeback. OJ Simpson gave the people what they wanted and is gonna die in prison. I waged war against Tyler Perry, R. Kelly was nominated for an NAACP Image Award. Hilary faded, McCain didn't have a chance, Sarah Palin showed she was more than a pretty face, she's stupid as hell too. That little Nigga shot Omar! Roger Clemens and Mark McGwire became the new faces of the steroid problem in baseball as Barry Bonds took a walk, the world went text language crazy, street lit blew up (every Nigga that wrote a book, ain't write a book) TV writers went on strike and cleared the way for more Reality TV, "Girlfriends" said goodbye and you went to see Sex and the City. Sean Bell's killers were set free, Sue Simmons dropped the "F-bomb" on the air, Suge Knight got knocked the F out, I turned 30 and we made history…

Exit George W. Bush idiot. Enter Barack Obama president. Everybody and my mama got a Facebook page then everybody and me got swine flu. Chris Brown blacked out and became a verb, bailouts and stimulus checks became everyday conversation. Steve McNair was killed by his tender roni and Patrick Swayze was…Swayze. Halle Berry is single, Lil' Wayne had a couple of babies, Frankie said "man down", Avatrar brought 3-D movies back while breaking records (I still haven't seen it).Madea went to jail and Tyler Perry laughed at you all the way to the bank! Lady Gaga began her ascension as Kobe won it all without Shaq, Eminem "relapsed" on hip hop, T.I. went to do a year on his head, Kanye West made Taylor Swift famous outside of country music, "American Idol" limped on. "Swag" became the buzz word and skinny jeans became fashion, but I don't wear skinny jeans cuz my...wallet won't fit! Usher left the ugly chick. Jamie Foxx blamed it on the alcohol, I blamed it on Oprah as women lost their damn minds and went crazy for Ray J on VH1, then all over the internet. Jay-Z and Alicia Keys made everybody for New York for at least 4 minutes. Me too. Trey Songz invented sex (thank you!) Steve Harvey shed his wig and told women how to get and keep a man. Nigga please! I missed my best friend's wedding. Then Tiger Woods got his Rick James on with every White woman but his wife. And then Michael Jackson died. Wait, Michael Jackson died. Did you ever think you would live to see the day that Michael Jackson died?

The earth has rumbled in Haiti, oil filled The Gulf, Lakers have repeated, Lebron defected, Oscar Grant's killer was slapped on the wrist, I gave up Level, the World Cup invaded TV, everybody but my mama is on Twitter. Lil' Wayne is gone 'til November, Drake is the hottest M.C. in the game, Nicki Minaj has young girls and old chickenheads alike talking about they're Barbies. America still can't be honest about racism as Shirley Sherrod fell victim to YouTube and the Tea Party makes waves. Half a billion people are on Facebook, 2 billion people live beneath the poverty line, unemployment's rising, the dollar is declining, I gave up red meat. The most beautiful woman in the world died, RIP Lena Horne. Ben Roethlisberger beat a rape case. Tiger Woods can't win a tournament and is about to lose a grip, we said goodnight to Teddy Pendergrass, Gary Coleman finally got his halo fixed. It took BET a year, but they finally got the Michael Jackson tribute correct. Chris Brown danced and cried and everybody talked about it. We got "Booty Pop" panties, the "Shake Weight", and pole dancing for exercise. World's going one way, people going another. Betty White has made a late, late, late, late, career comeback. Usher is back as a sex symbol, Erykah Badu got a donk! They plight of the single Black woman was on the tip of everyone's tongue for a hot minute, now we're off that. I gave up pork. Shaq was caught creepin' again and Gilbert had them guns!Al and Tipper Gore filed for divorce Chili went searching for a man on VH1, I went searching for Lil' Jon and Ja Rule, Heidi Montag went all Michael Jackson on plastic surgery. They auto-tuned "We Are the World", we did the census, Allen Iverson retired, Maxwell is back! "The Boondocks" went in on Tyler Perry, I'm still at war with Tyler Perry, and we're still at war in Iraq and Afghanistan. 50 Cent has fallen off, Soulja Boy has fallen off. Alicia Keys has wrecked a marriage and is pregnant, but needs to sit her pudgy self down for a second.  we had huge snow storms, it's the hottest summer ever, Inception is the movie to see of the moment and I've told you about it all from my view on the couch.

Here's to first 500, thank you! Who knows what's to come for the world or me, but one thing's for sure, two for certain, you'll be reading about it…

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