Can’t Yall See that I’m Growing, I was so Immature

Can’t Yall See that I’m Growing, I was so Immature

I dipped into my bag yesterday and pulled something out that seemed to take a few people by surprise. As a result, my inbox filled up like I was talking about Tyler Perry. I guess a few new readers or those that have been dormant hadn’t been exposed to that side of me. I really didn’t think that I wrote anything off the wall in comparison to some of the things I’ve written in the past, but I can understand that I have been a kinder, gentler Teef in recent months. I did things one way for so long it’s damn near impossible for people to fathom that I could be multi-dimensional, but my writing has always been multi-layered, many just chose to ignore. What you’ve been reading is the direct result of a few changes I’ve made in my life, for better or worse, but changes nonetheless.

I knew around the New Year that I wanted to alter my lifestyle and chase after a few goals, my health became a priority. I didn’t call them resolutions, but I resolved that I was going to make some changes this year. Add to that a reconnection with a friend that I hold very dear to my heart; our complicated friendship simplified and I started to feel really good about the direction I was headed. Then, there’s the attempt at strengthening the relationships with my family, it’s hard and certain things happen to test my resolve, but I’m willing to put the work in these days.

There are folks who believe that because of a certain young lady I’ve changed. The truth is, before my lady friend walked into my life I decided that I was going to be better this year, it just so happens that our friendship has coincided with my dedication to being a better version of me. Before I started spending so much time with someone, I had stopped spending time with many, but I guess our calendars aren’t in sync. As with any shift in direction, there are some people who aren’t going to be able to zig when you zag. If you’ve read “The Bachelor’s Archive” on Eurweb.com, you know that I was living foul and I’ve never made any excuses for the choices I’ve made, but I’ve faced many of those moments in my life and I’m going forward. I’ve apologized, made amends, upset a few women, but made peace with myself, which I felt was necessary if I was to have any sort of long-term happiness.

Yeah I’m rare, I’m aware that I’m rare…

I read very well, especially between those lines where many women like to try to write with invisible ink. So I see the not-so-subtle messages directed towards me on a BBM or Facebook status and the subsequent conversations with your friends that don’t know the half. It’s funny how I never tripped when you had a boyfriend, found a new boo, needed space, tried your hand at abstinence, thought you were saved or just wanted to back up off of me because we had divergent ideas of what we wanted at the time. However, I fall back and I’m the worst MF since Bernadine’s husband in Waiting to Exhale. I get it, you’re taught to believe you’re special, that what you have is golden and makes the world go round. That’s cool, do what you gotta do for your esteem boo boo, but your Tourette’s like outbursts and bipolar text messages say otherwise.

You’re taught to believe you’re special; I’ve been special since that summer day in ‘78 when Tracey named me Al-Lateef and that has you tripping. Jealousy has reared its ugly head over what you perceive to be my choosing her over you. Say what? Let’s be clear, there was no choosing to be done, there was no competition…because there was no competition. For the record, I’m as single as I’ve always been, so the assumptions and speculation is null and void. To be quite honest, you just don’t fit into my life the way you once did and I guess I haven’t done a good enough job articulating that before now. But I’m cool on that, cool on you and I need you to be cool with that and leave those sophomoric antics alone.

Let’s end the speculation…I’m talking to all yall!