A Winter Love is Cozy, But I Need So Much More

Today is the day that many of you have been looking forward to since the days became a dirty gray back in November, an 80 degree day! Before you lose your minds, take a look at the rest of the week and realize that it’s new-monia weather (Old folks say it, so it sounds right), so dress accordingly. Being that spring may have officially arrived, I figured the time has come to unleash this year’s version of the Spring Rules, so without further ado…
  • Wake up 15 minutes earlier, you’re gonna need that extra time to moisturize your situation. Over the past five months, you’ve jumped out of the shower into your clothes and lotioned your face and hands, now there’s a lot more skin to take care of.
  • Get some new shoes! I have plenty of DSW and Famous Footwear coupons to help get your toe game situated. Take $75 out of your next three checks and get you some new sandals and other spring footwear.
  • But get your toes done first...
  • And shave your legs...
  • And your underarms...
  • And get your eyebrows done.
  • Fellas, I know you’ve been doing crunches and all that, but getting out of those Buster Browns won’t hurt you too.
  • While you're at it, let this be the year you cut those cornrows!
  • Everyone, please keep that fleshy patch of skin between your thumb and index finger touched up. I don’t want to see any of you doing the quick lick to catch that ash.
  • While the wind has died down, that does not mean tuck your Chap Stick and lip gloss away, the Pookie lip is not a good look in the sun!
  • Hey Ladies! I know some of you have been on that Jennifer Hudson trying to get your beach body ready for the summer, but you still have 12 pounds to go…keep it covered!
  • Get up, get out and do something! However, conserve your days; you wasted one on Biggie Day (March 9th).
  • Fellas, back off the dark liquor, you know you don’t have bail money!
  • Read something. Seriously, pick up a book or two that feeds your soul, just make sure it isn’t written by Steve Harvey, Snooki, Tyrese or some nigga you met at bar!
  • Let go and let God…someone used you to stay warm through the winter and now they’ve moved on. Please don’t be the stage 3 clinger that tries to turn what yall had into a relationship. It’s a new dawn, a new day; don’t answer that “What’s good for the night?” text…
Once again, these are the sho-nuff rules to a happy spring, make them law, make yourself happy. After the winter we endured, hopefully the snow and cold is far behind us, but you must follow these rules others to make a seamless transition to summer.

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