For the Hearing Impaired

I don’t know about you, but when I’m out to dinner with my lady, I’m really out for a nice quiet meal. Sure, there’s conversation between she and I, but we’re really there to enjoy some time away from the house and good food. The last thing I’m anticipating is having a soundtrack to my meal, by a couple of your cousins clear across the dining room, over the tables that separate us. It’s one thing to be loud, it’s another to be loud and inappropriate, but you know your family knows no boundaries.
I understand that some folks naturally have loud speaking voices, but those of you with inner ear problems, really need to learn how to use your inside voices. I really don’t want to hear about your child support troubles when I’m trying to eat a caesar salad, and I damn sure don’t want to hear the two of you discuss anything sexual. It is really not that type of party at Red Lobster(s).

But there you are, eating with your head down, rapidly, trying to remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible, because these people are embarrassing you. Why are you embarrassed? The White folks in the dining room are looking at all of the other Black folks like they expect them to break out in a cacophony of ill-timed discourse, something that confirms exactly what they’ve been thinking about you the entire time.

My question is, do you not know when you’re loud or do you not give a damn? At what point does the comfort of those around you not matter? Are we that selfish or disconnected from the experience of other patrons to be so inconsiderate that you may ruin a first date, an anniversary, Sweet 16 or some other significant moment in someone’s life for your loud, immaterial conversation? I tell you the next time someone soundbombs my dinner, I’m going to polite toss a biscuit and tell them to shut the @#$% up!

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