Love is Not a Want, Love is Now a Need

Valentine’s Day is so high school. Think about it, remember all of the balloons and cheap chocolates and gas station roses? It was all a show, another way to further separate the haves from the have-nots. In this case, the have-nots were those who didn’t have someone to “love” them or didn’t love them as much as the girl sitting next to them in homeroom. Fast forward a few years after we’ve said hi to 30 and some of us are still holding on to that high school high, for better or for worse.

It really annoys me to see people investing so much into Valentine’s Day, because it’s an empty venture, with very little return. I’ve always struggled to grasp the concept associated with having the calendar dictate when I’m to show affection to the woman I love and even more, folks on the outside championing the thought that if I don’t, my love for her should be questioned. Say what? If I don’t buy overpriced roses, make dinner reservations weeks in advance and remember that every kiss begins with Kays on February 14th, I don’t love my lady as much as your man loves you or I’m not worthy of her?

If I ran out and spent the light bill money on gifts for her, what does that prove? It proves that I’m a complete idiot, nothing more! What is wrong with your self-esteem when you tie so much of your worth to a damn day on the calendar. If you have a man and he buys you tires on June 22nd and sits through a movie he told you he didn’t want to see, that’s love. The fact that he sent you roses and purchased a gift or two for you when millions of other women have received the same exact sentiments on the same day does not prove that he loves you, in fact, proves that he’s a drone.

Which is something that most of us have become, robots whose movements are controlled by the perceptions, standards and norms; dictated to us by a capitalist society that is looking to this day as an indicator of our fiscal strength? But you think it’s love. That’s not love. Love is sitting by your bed when you’re sick. Love is sending you a text at 2:30 in the afternoon to tell you hello or rubbing your feet after a long day. Love is being able to talk to him when you have some things on your mind or him just taking you in his arms because he can tell without a word that you’ve had a long day.

Love is not tennis bracelets and $80 bouquets of roses that cost $39.99 next week. Love is not self-loathing, counting the years without a Valentine, cursing the day because you’re alone. Well, that’s where it starts, self-love. Most of us claim to love ourselves wholly, but fall to pieces the moment a day like this comes around. These days are designed to chip at the chinks in the armor of fragile women everywhere, who place more value in being loved by someone else than loving themselves. And I know someone’s reading this saying they love themselves dearly, but they just need someone to love them as well and I don’t know what I’m talking about. How is that possible, because if you truly loved yourself and were fully confident in who you are, today would just pass without so much of a thought.

Instead, you’re mad at your married and involved girlfriends, not wanting to talk to your single friends and wondering if that guy you gave some to last week is going to text you. That’s not love babygirl, that’s pathetic, that’s defining yourself in something that does not speak to your character. Those of you playing the game, what do you get out of it? I mean what do you intrinsically get from the day? In many cases you’re even worse than the single folks lamenting over the lack of a Valentine, because many of you are placing such an emphasis on today that you’re missing out on the big picture, which is your relationship. Are flowers, candies, gifts, dinner and other contrived gifts of affection more important than how you guys communicate on a consistent basis or the level of trust between the two of you? Take a step back to assess what this day is worth to you and then glance over what you are worth to yourself. If they are remotely close, you need a role model, a hug or something, not a man!

Leave a respond