For Colored Girls Who Border on Becoming Bitter B******

You or someone you know has gone to Best Buy, Walmart or wherever it is that you buy DVD’s for your personal collection and picked up Tyler Perry’s latest attempt at making something that resembles a film, “For Colored Girls...”. Yeah, one or two of you lonely hearts are going to think it’s a good idea to watch this recently released DVD because it will reaffirm your belief in the strength of your womanhood and help prove that you don’t need a man as many of your girls have their esteem boosted by the lie that is Valentine’s Day.

You’re gonna cry through the movie and believe that Tyler Perry and all of the actresses involved were snubbed for Academy Awards. You’re going to say “men ain’t sh*t” again and again, then you’re going to remember that you already sat through this trash a few months ago, but it impacts you just the same on this viewing. I’m going to call you stupid, but you’re going to say that Tyler Perry is a genius, that he’s doing his thing, that he did a great job with this adaptation and I should stop hating.

To you, Tyler Perry is telling your story or the story of some woman you know, giving a voice to those who don’t have one. You think he actually did Ntozake Shange’s classic choreopoem justice and ignore the fact that his Speak & Spell dialogue damn near cheapens the impact of her poetry. You fail to acknowledge his cinematic limitations or how he insults his audience’s intelligence with his complete lack of nuance or outdated stereotypes. Seriously dude, Janet coughs a few times and that signals that she has AIDS? And her husband just had to be on the down low? Is that the only way AIDS is spread? I’m not going to talk about Whoopie’s fanatical character or how one of the most powerful poems in the entire production is wasted in Macy Gray’s twisted tongue.

Are you going to watch “Why Did I Get Married Too?”, “I Can Do Bad All By Myself”, and the entire “Madea” catalogue while you’re at it? You might as well make a weekend of it; I’m just saying, if you’re going to trash men all weekend, go for the gold! When you’re done, e-mail me and tell me that his movie don’t denigrate men or perpetuate stereotype of weak Black women or that they don’t lack actual substance. Go on, tell me I’m hating again and I’ll call you an idiot.

Tyler Perry is your shepherd and you know what that makes you right, sheep. I don’t think the timing of this DVD release is a coincidence. He knows his flock, he knows you guys are going to run out and snatch up all available copies of this trash and spend a lonely night or two trying to identify with The Lady in Green, because you know that some man tried to walk off with all of your stuff. Do yourself a favor and pick up the book instead...