"Now I don't want anybody, to get the wrong idea about me
I have nothing to hide, I want the world to see"
You weren't ready for Larry Blackmon this morning! But once you got a taste of it, you were probably waiting for the chorus so you could do "the snake" or "the worm", because you are so 1985! We'll get back to that later…
I've been single for a little more than two months now and with the exception of one or two nights where I've had a bout or two with loneliness, I'm doing good, it's a temporary emotion, goes away easily. Those of you who know me or think you know me pretty well probably think I'm just out of control right now. Truth is, there's no pole in my living room, I'm not wildin' out like I used to (I don't do the things I used to no more) mostly. I'm still likely to pop up anywhere you may be, with the exception of Deltas or a club, but most nights I'm home with my cats watching movies.
I'll probably keep it this way for a while, mostly because this whole dating thing perplexes me, primarily the first date. Like usual, women put way too many stipulations on things. So, what's the ideal first date? I hear that dinner and a movie isn't good for a first date. Since when? You can talk during dinner, in the car or walk to the theatre and afterwards. If the two of you enjoy Al Pacino movies, why isn't that a good look for the first date? You have your conversation piece and an entertainment element for your date, plus added conversation after the film. I guess cooking him or her dinner is out of the question too?
Ok, let's go back to the beginning, who pays for the date? It's a first date, do we go dutch or submit to societal norms and as a man I pay? Does the person who initiates the date pay? How does this work? We're kicking it via phone, text, e-mail or at the bar for a while and decide to hang out on an official date, do I pick up every check for the night? Ok, the dates over and you two had a great time. He was interesting, she was funny. She told you about her ex-boyfriends, he didn't talk with his mouth full, she has a great career ahead of her and you have a job. What happens next? After a great first date, is a kiss out of the realm of possibility, is that too much? Do I have to wait until the 3rd or 4th date to bust a slob? So I suppose sex on the first date is just whorish! C'mon people! We're adults and we make adult decisions and if we had a great time and the spirit moves you, give a nigga a peck. What you gonna do, give him a hug and a pound?
You know what else gets me? I play the bars (like you really didn't know that), me & boys we sit down and buy rounds for one another, buy shots, and we get it in. Yet, if I see a nice looking female across the bar and I have a slight interest, I need to send her a drink as an introduction? Please! How about I go over to introduce myself, see what her conversation is like, if I could really dig on her and if there is a mutual vibe, then we have a round or two with each other? I have to get you a few drinks just talk to you, so now you're the Liquor Whore?
That's not what's up. I buy her a drink and then go talk to her and she says something like "I likeded that song you played on the jukebox." Or, "You like scrimp, cuz I likes me some scrimp!" Here I am, just spent $5 or $6 dollars on the bad grammar girl! I know someone is looking at the screen like, "Is he tripping on $5 or $6?" Damn skippy! That's two more drinks for me at Happy Hour. I know you brought $10 to the bar to buy your first drink or two and then you're waiting for guys to buy your conversation and maybe a fake phone number. Its 2008, I thought you were I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T!
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