The Mack

The Mack

The Mack and her Stable

Listen to me and listen good. I don't give a shit what happened to you. You hear me? Now get yourself together, get back out there and git me my money!"

Those in the know recognize that line from classic Blaxploitation film The Mack, but I’m pretty sure Kris Jenner, Kardashian or whatever she’s calling herself these days had said to one or more of her daughters many a day. Yeah, I just compared Mama Kardashian to a pimp, because that’s what she is; Iceberg Slim, Bishop Magic Don Juan, the guy taking girls to strip clubs after leaving Empire Beauty School, she’s one of them!

Stage moms have been around since the beginning of time, but many of them have recognized talent in their children and exerted (too) much effort in getting the most out of that talent, Kris has recoginzed a weakness in America and exploited her children for the almighty dollar. Now if that don’t sound like some pimp shit to you, please forgive if it appears to, I'm just saying what I see.

Five minutes of watching “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” and you can see the dollar signs in her eyes when she talks to Kim, Kourtney, Khloe or Lamar Odom. There’s hardly anything of substance that comes out of her mouth, nothing gets in the way of the Kardashian brand and she makes sure they are all following suit as she whores them out for appearances, shows, marriages, and children, anything that will up the net worth. For the record, the Kardashians reportedly made $65 million in 2010.

The Come-Up…

She met her first husband Robert while working as a flight attendant; he went on to become a successful attorney, businessman and O.J.’s homie, accumulating some coin while she played the happy housewife until she no longer happy. They divorced in 1990 and she married Bruce Jenner in ’91…the former Olympic champion had done well for himself financially and that undoubtedly attracted Goldie Kris.

The O.J. Simpson trial embedded the Kardashian name into our lexicon, but it was Kim’s vacation home video with then-boyfriend Ray J. that made it resurface and into the onslaught of smut we’ve received from them since. Seriously, they’re in our face every day because Ray convinced Kim to allow him to take them getting busy and Kris turned that into a goldmine! But, from that unfortunate incident and Kim’s fortunate backside, they’ve made a fortune.

Turned out…

It just so happened that Kim’s ass (pun intended) became famous during the Reality TV exploitation period and her friendship with Paris Hilton, coupled with the infamous tape made her an ideal candidate to become the new face (or ass) for America to love. After all, Jennifer Lopez was getting older, having babies and married the little ugly guy. In typical pimp fashion, Kris put Kim to work, she was everywhere; red carpets, commercials, the internet, they opened stores and she pawned her off to Black athletes, the biggest move of her career. Reggie Bush gave the family entrée into another realm and it opened Kris’ eyes to what Bruce was 30 years early on, athletes making real money!

While Kim’s blowing up and dating the entire Fantasy Football league, Kris starts introducing the rest of the clan; Kourtney starts appearing with Kim in public, then Kourtney, then it’s the whole gang. Kourtney was already involved in her made-for-TV relationship with Scott and Khloe was slammed into the unsuspecting Lamar Odom, even Rob is getting some off of the name. America is eating this up, making them celebrities, with not one ounce of talent! I think I heard that she’s gone back to the Kardashian name…what part of the game is that?!? Man up Bruce, bad enough she has you looking surprised all the damn time, now she’s using her ex’s name, grow a pair dude!

Now they're trying to turn one of the younger daughters into a model, partially because the cash cow has found her Prince Charming and is headed down the asile, so another meal ticket had to be drawn. Somewhere, there's a teenage athlete waiting to make the pros so he can marry Kendall Kardashian and cement his stardom. There are a few of you who see nothing wrong with any of this, that's partially because the moral fabric of America is transparent and partly because you have your daughter signing up for those "model searches" in the mall...