I Don't Want to Feel I'm in the Wrong Place to Be Real

I’m gonna tell my lady and my mama to stop reading now, I may do some cussin’!

I'm tired of these so-called Negro experts, R&B singers gone pop, non-rapping MC's, the IRS, Reality TV exploiting Black women, lockouts, rich Niggas whining like they’re battling shut off notices from the electric company (wait, they might be), the debt ceiling and Republicans treating President Obama like he’s a Nigga! Yeah, that’s how I’m feeling today and expressing it. I’ve been tap dancing around people’s feelings lately, but today I’m going to Cupid Shuffle all over them bad boys…and walk it by myself!
I like to believe that within the confines of a site that I provide the content for, I can say whatever the hell I like, it’s easy not to travel here and read what I have to say. I don’t get many comments on the site for one reason or another, but I get a fair amount of e-mail responses and I try to read through them all. I especially enjoy those that tell me what words I shouldn’t use, what topics I shouldn’t broach or that Oprah is God. I hide my feelings about nothing, not here, not at all! When I’m writing for The World According to Teef, I don’t ever want to feel like I’m in the wrong place to be real.
So, if I decide to talk about fast-ass young girls rocking the same sewed in weave in different colors being a form of new millennium slavery, don’t be upset if your daughter is one of them. Or, if I poke fun at those light-skinned sisters that think they have Indian in their family, they probably had it coming. Same goes for XXL chicks wearing medium shirts and hoodrats with slum jewelry asking how many carats my lady’s ring is. She didn’t need the biggest rock around, but it’s of quality, unlike that tacky thing corroding your finger.
For the record, Amy Winehouse’s death didn’t move me whatsoever…
Fellas, it’s time we grow up, seriously. If you’re on the other side of 30 and still trying to be a rapper…don’t quit get a job! I remember back in ’94 when you thought you were spittin’ hot fire…aren’t those same lines? These are the same dudes that play video games day and night, living in their auntie’s basement and mooching off some chick with low self-esteem.  I’m not sure when we lost our way, but as men, we should want much more than Madden supremacy.
There I go judging again…
Well ok, tell me why graduation at the pre-school and kindergarten level is so overvalued? Are you really happy that your kid has learned the alphabet and doesn’t pee on itself every other day? Check with me in 12 years if they’ve proven proficient enough to graduate high school and head to college. By then, many of you will have already thrown larger baby showers than graduation parties, because education is that devalued. I see people congratulating community college failures and their recent alternative high school graduate baby father on their baby, when the two of them can’t scrape up enough money to get four wings fried hard.
I guess that’s what Social Services are for…
Instead of posting my engagement, I should’ve announced I was having a baby and created an app that would give me money for every well wish, I’d be driving that BMW I have my eye on. Marriage rides on the back of the bus with education. You ever notice that what we don’t work to succeed at becomes deprioritized? Marriage, school, health, community involvement, parenting. Parenting? Yeah, we’re failing at parenting, but still having babies by the bus load.
Fucking has nothing to do with parenting…
I’m tired of illiterate people writing books and selling them to people that can’t read the writing on the wall, those damn Jennifer Hudson commercials, Chris Christie’s fat ass, gas prices fluctuating like Oprah’s weight, Drake and his Jew ‘fro singing last year’s songs, driving 55mph in Pennsylvania, people saying Jay-Z is in the Illuminati and can’t spell it, Black comedy being relegated to cuss words and talking loud and White folks treating Tracy Morgan like he owes them something!
Folks treat Barack Obama, Oprah, Tyler Perry and Eddie Long like they’re Jesus Christ. If they talked about Jesus, they can talk about them niggas too! At some point, we have to stop placing so much importance on those that entertain us and start valuing those that love us much more, I hear too many of yall quoting “Strawberry Letters’ like they are the Gospel of Luke. It just adds to my theory that people can’t think for themselves anymore and need to be led.
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If I see one more “Free So & So” Facebook status, I’m going to comment “You know damn well he or she is a criminal, why should they be free?” Some of us wear stupidity like a winter coat and make statements like “I don’t vote,” like that’s what’s up? I can’t understand how someone can opt out of an act that can literally alter everyday life. I wonder if State workers in Jersey wish they had gone out and voted for Corzine now?
I’m tired of Niggas turning to guns because they’re too much of a punk to throw hands and too much of a bitch to be a man. I know you’re tired of reading, but I had some shit to get off of my chest. I’m tired of keeping up with the Kardashians and the Joneses, Donald Trump, American Idols, Snookie, Wives who’ve never been married and people that can’t define friendship. I’m tired of keeping it real to an extent, bullshit, seeing people overwhelmed and under loved, line dancing, the status quo and backwards thinking. I’m tired of Lady Gaga.
I just gave you 1,000 words, do you get the picture?

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