Far from 21...

Hey Ladies!

At some point, dressing age and size appropriate has to become a priority. Seriously, I’m getting tired of going out seeing somebody’s mama revealing too much skin and acting like it’s ok. Wait, this is not an attack on big girls, ain’t nothing wrong with a big, strong girl! This is a distress signal to all of the women out there that embrace their sexy a little too much. I had to clear that up, because this goes for everyone, from Precious to Kerry Washington and all of you broke ass chicks in between.

It’s hard to go to concerts or even to dinner and look over and there’s butt crack having salad or belly eating biscuits at the table next to you. You are too damn old to still have your clothes riding up every three seconds. You mean to tell me you didn’t know that shirt was too small when you looked in the mirror? That’s a problem, because either your mirror or you are lying. Even worse, you believe it!

The issue is that you’re having a hard time relinquishing your sexy, an even harder time accepting your age and/or your new size. Yes it’s true, all of that baby weight went to your thighs, but don’t share them with us. Aren’t those long dresses in this summer? There’s no reason in hell I should see as much unsightly flesh as I’m seeing. Most of yall have not been on that Jennifer Hudson, so please stop frontin’ and use your head.

Women are the most competitive creatures walking the Earth, hands down. You’ve got Kobe and Michael Jordan topped, easily. It’s hard to accept that Mother Nature has abandoned many of you and started working on younger models, sculpting their bodies in ways that yours never knew, so you try to compete with them. Bad move! You have to let those 22, 23-year-old girls be what they are and keep your 38-year-old goods tucked away somewhere. You can’t do what they do, you should be levels away from where they are in their lives, but where are you, shopping right next to them in Forever 21.

Girl Please!

You are so far from 21 your license has mold on it, but you’re trying to squeeze your big ass into those size 8 jeans, knowing their missing the one in front. After praying, hopping, pulling and tucking, you manage to get them zipped up and somehow convince yourself that you actually look good; later on you reenact the same ritual to go out on the town.

Here’s my problem…

You have the worst friends in the world! They are lying to you because you’re fragile. If your friends aren’t telling you that you shouldn’t be wearing that outfit, they’ll sleep with your man. Word is bond! If she can’t be honest with you and tell you that you look a hot damn mess, you don’t need her in your cipher, she’s a fraud. You need at least one real bitch in your crew that’ll tell you, “Girl, you got two kids. Go put on something that looks like you do!” If you don’t have that, you probably don’t want her around, so you can keep packing your foot in those wedges and acting like you’re cute.

I’m just trying to make everyone’s summer enjoyable, we’re like three weeks in and I’m tired of looking at back fat and knock knees already!

This has been a Real Nigga PSA from The World According to Teef…sho nuff!

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