I Know What Girls Like, They Like Me!

I predict this to be the day that I lose some readers...

Nearly a week after Valentine's Day and love is still in the air for some, well on the mind of many. My friends and I are entering a phase of our lives where marriage, family, civil unions and things of that nature are creeping to the front of our minds, well stamped on the foreheads of some. Most of my male friends are married, have kids or both, with the exception of my boy Will. Shoot, one of them is even heading towards divorce already! My female friends, aren't having the best of times getting it together.

You all know where I stand, married with kids is not really how Teef has pictured himself, so once that becomes everyday conversation, I'm gone (ask about me)! I happen to consider myself to be a lottery pick of sorts; I'm 30ish, no kids, on a decent career path, decent level of intelligence, no kids, great set of teeth, no kids, never been married, no kids, not putting my name on ziploc baggies in the freezer, still fairly cute, no kids, a sense of humor, did I mention no kids?

Those are a few of the attributes that even with all of my baggage puts me in a great position. I can find what I want in a woman and not have to settle, even if I am my father's son (check back if you have no clue what that means). If I happen to want a chick that's as dumb as a bag of nickels, who wants nothing more than Boone's Farm and to watch Flavor of Love 3, that's cool if I want that in my life for a week or two. But, like many men, I'm out there for what I want in a woman and a relationship.

This is where I lose the female vote...

Conversely, many women are out there with the impression that they are searching for what they deserve in a relationship. Like it is God's Will for them to have the Fortune 500 CEO, with the LL Cool J body, Barry White voice, Denzel smoothness, 50 Cent thug appeal for a husband. They deserve to be a housewife and to have the Spanish nanny, French pool boy, 2.5 kids, summer home in The Hamptons and jet set around the world like Beyonce & Jay-Z.

B#$%h please!

Now, I know your mama told you that you were precious and you deserved a man that would treat you like a queen, buying you diamonds and doorknocker earrings, take you all around the world and so on and so forth. But she was helping to build your self-esteem, my mama told me I would be 6'5, she got the numbers right, but they are reversed! Someone has to get with the balding, 32 year-old with the gut that works two jobs to save for a house! Not everyone can hit the lottery of life and have LeBron's kids.

Furthermore, if you have too many "ain't gots" what exactly do you deserve? You know the ain't gots; ain't got a good job, ain't got a sitter to watch the kids so yall can go on a date, ain't got no money in the bank (walking around the club all stank), ain't got a pleasant attitude, ain't got this, ain't got that. Guess what else you ain't gonna get?

Now, I know there are a lot of Superwomen out there (Hi Mom!) and you've made it all happen and you're doing great with or without a man, so many of you are cussing me out right now, this is not for you. To borrow from Kanye West a bit, too many women be on that independent kick, but will trade it all for a husband and some kids! I've never understood how it is possible to sacrifice what it is that you're about for the need to be married. I come across far too many women with the dream of marriage in their head so strong, that they lose sight of self. I just don't get it.

Far too many women have lost themselves in the eyes of so no-good nigga (writer not excluded), set their goals to the side, had a kid (or kids) by this fool and are now trying to figure out where it went wrong? So here they are looking for love...in all the wrong places. You know where they are, the club, the bar, church, MySpace, everywhere but within themselves to find the love that never stops. That love your mama was trying to show you way back when you had the Cabbage Patch Kid in your arms.

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