• Fellas, if you’re 30 and still rapping for free...you’re not a rapper!
• Don’t be mad, UPS is hiring!
• If you have 30 self-portraits in the bathroom mirror on your Facebook page, I know there are naked pictures of you floating around.
• Jennifer Beals is more racially ambiguous that Michael Jackson! She’s been a Mulatto a few times, straight up White at others, Creole in Devil in a Blue Dress, but I don’t recall her ever just being Black.
• If you found out your favorite celebrity was functionally illiterate, how would you feel?
• Scratch that, folks are going to buy Tyrese’s book anyway!
• Oprah appeared in one of my dreams...I’m laying off the Vicodin!
• By show of hands, who’s going to see Madea’s Big Happy Family?
• Please remove the word “mines” from your vocabulary.
• Remember how hyped you were for a Mike Tyson fight...and it only last like two minutes, but you didn’t care?
• Well, if you’re saying “mines”, your vocabulary is probably limited, so nevermind.
• Continue on is redundant...
• Umm babygirl, you’re damn near 40, what’s up with your new nickname? I am not calling you Licorice or whatever silliness you come up with for yourself.
• Black men need hair on their face.
• Why is “American Idol” still on?
• Fellas, stop lying to your baby mothers, just tell her you’re not gonna marry her.
• Baby mothers, stop lying to yourselves, he’s already told you he’s not gonna marry you. He introduces you as his baby mother for crying out loud!
• Yes, that includes Barack Obama...I still don’t trust that nigga!
• Is NeNe Leakes really a man? Her hands are bigger than LeBron James’!
• Speaking of man looking women, am I wrong for hoping Wendy Williams falls on “Dancing with the Stars” before she gets voted off Tuesday night?
• How did Lovita Alizè Jenkins-Robinson get a book deal?
• Did you really expect “The Game” to be good?
• Is Charlie Sheen still winning?
• It really ain’t cool being the old nigga in the club...
• Was there ever any doubt that Bobbi Kristina was gonna be messed up?
• After all, Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown are still her parents.
• And yes, Bobby Brown was the King of R&B!
• Every time someone says “no disrespect”, they say something disrespectful.
• When are you moving out of your mother’s house?
• We need to bring the term “Word is bond” back!
• Shoutout to the dark liquor drinkers...you’re always one shot away from having a fight!
• Magic Johnson is on TV selling everything but those HIV meds he’s been taking for the last 20 years.
• Can you explain to me what’s going on in Libya?
• No? How about Bahrain?
• You may need to change the channel on your TV.
• Do you know where your children are right now?
• I know our states are fighting some extreme financial difficulties, but can someone please find money in the budget to fix these damn potholes!
• Have you subscribed to The World According to Teef?
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