I Wonder if I Take You Home...Will I Get the Drawls?

It starts with the declaration, “I don’t get down like this” and usually ends with a glance over the shoulder on a walk to the car at some obscene hour. The “this” in this case is having sex on the first date, the ultimate no-no in the female dating handbook. However, more women are guilty of this offense than they’ll allow their girls to know at Happy Hour, but I understand why they have to front, no one wants to be considered the “skeezer” of her circle.

Hold up, before we start the name calling, let’s kick the actual factuals and assess what’s so terrible about doing the deed on the first date. If there’s a strong, mutual attraction between consenting adults over Cheddar Bay Biscuits and intelligent conversation, why can’t the two of them participate in a little safe sex afterwards? It’s not the worst thing you can do, regardless of what old folks tell you. C’mon! You’re feeling him, he’s feeling you, you wore that outfit to accentuate your curves and he ordered from the menu without pictures, it’s a perfect storm. Who cares what people think!

Now you’re calling me names, saying I don’t understand because I’m a man and it’s not a big deal to us, because all we want is to have sex with you anyway. That’s so far from true, but a woman that we’re able to sincerely enjoy being and sexually expressive is a plus. If she expresses herself on the first date or six months later, it doesn’t matter, because the core qualities are what we’re about, regardless of what most of you think.

I know it sounds like a bunch of B.S., but flow with me for a second: Eligible Bachelor #1 and Eligible Bachelorette #7,637,665 have a great date. He purchased tickets to a fantastic show, had a great meal, many laughs, he opened up about himself and she felt more comfortable than she’s been with a man in a long time. After he pays the bill they find themselves wrestling on his futon before he clears the clothes off of his bed for the two of them to get busy. Cut to the next morning when she’s feeling like she played herself, rationalizing that Nina Moseley and Darius Lovehall found love after getting down on the first night, before throwing that out of her mind and once again thinking he’s never gonna call again and then he texts, “Good morning” or calls to tell you that he can’t wait to see you again.

That could be after date 1 or date 31; that trepidation is never going to go anywhere, because many women believe they’re rolling with a black cloud over their relationships or even worse, taking advice from Steve Harvey. Trust you own instincts and learn to follow the flow sometimes. But I do have a word of advice, leave the liquor alone on the first couple of dates, because most guys seem like they’re really into you after two or three Bahama Mamas and suddenly he becomes the recipient of the goodies of the drunk & hot girl. Next thing you know, he’s the topic of a conversation amongst females who believe he preys on unsuspecting women that can’t handle their liquor, instead of a guy that’s genuinely interested in a woman and thought he got some on his own merits, not because of the Bacardi.

Please don’t think I’m saying to go out and give it up on the first date; I’m saying don’t be so naïve to think that it’s the ultimate deal breaker in a relationship. Don’t be so quick to judge yourself or his intentions if the two of you wind up naked. Like anything else, if the two of you communicate where things are going (or not) from that night and you responsibly handle your business, why not? And next time your grandmother has anything to say about it, ask her why your mother is her only child born after she married your grandfather?

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