Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

If you live within 30 miles of your hometown or anyplace you’ve spent a significant portion of your dating life, running into an ex-girlfriend is damn near inevitable. Even more, karma will have it that you see her while you’re with your new lady. Depending on your history of relationships, that meeting can go in various different directions, whatever you do, play it cool and smile. Here’s a quick guide to get you through those awkward meetings at Walmart, the movies, mall or church:

• Why did I See Her? – She thought you were perfect for her. You thought she was crazy. She has no problem telling your girlfriend how she will always be in love with you. Make up an excuse to cut the conversation short.

• The Marrying Type – You knew she would be married. She told you on the first date that she wanted to get married soon and she did, six months after you stopped seeing she’s divorced!

• Chatty Cathy – You guys dated during that transitional period of your life and while she’s a nice girl, she talks too damn much. You almost forgot how much she talked until she brings up how the two of you used to get busy in the back row of the movie theater. Your new lady just smiles it away, but you better believe she’s gonna bring it up on the ride home.

• Damn, it’s Her! – There’s that girl you dated when you were younger that things didn’t turn out quite right for afterwards. You know, life sort of kicked her ass and she looks like it; her weave is through, clothes are two sizes small and shoes are just tacky! Your chick laughs that you actually dated someone so tore up and you spend the rest of the night explaining that she didn’t look like that when the two of you were together.

• The Perfect Goodbye - She’s the one that got away and that look on your face says so, too bad your woman sees it too! Fix your face stupid, it gets pretty cold when she snatches that cover off of you at 3am!

• The Miserable One – She wasn’t happy with you, never happy without you, she’s just bitter about everything and you have to keep your lady from cussing her out!

• Ms. Breakup to Makeup - You and her went the requisite seven years without speaking, but time heals all wounds and now you’re great friends. Your lady seems to like her and you think her new man is cool. You guys actually make plans to hang out as couples, despite the fact that both of you are holding on to your new boos extra tight as you speak.

• It Should’ve Been Me – She was cool when you first started dating, but bored you after a while, though she was extremely happy. She still doesn’t understand why you couldn’t be with her and tells anyone who’d listen that you should still be together. She harbors resentment that unearths itself when your woman smiles and the peace you seemingly have, keep an eye on your rearview mirror and circle the block when you get home.

• Cold Blooded– There’s always that ex that wants to write a book about you and sell it to Tyler Perry to turn into a movie. You did her wrong and you know it, so those daggers she’s shooting towards you, have merit to them. Hit her with the Bruh’man head nod and keep it moving!

The only other advice I have is to move! Go as far away as possible, go to where nobody knows who the hell you are. Don’t go to Atlanta though; everybody has an ex or three in the A!

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