Men of a Certain Age aka The Old Nigga in the Club



Throughout the continuum of life, men have failed to grasp the concept of love. True, we love our mothers, favorite sports teams, Halle Berry, cars and a great song, but love in its fairy tale form escapes us. As a result, our individual quests for love are collectively called into question, all too often leaving those that mature in amore sooner on the periphery wondering if they’ll ever fall in love. While those that swear off the dreaded “L-word” take a little longer, but get there soon enough.

At some point between ages 31 – 36, 37, we get that itch. The itch that indicates you may want to slow down, not go at this thing called life alone.We begin to look back over a host of failed relationships and broken hearts thinking that universe has found its getback for all the wrong you’ve done. You’re alone. Sure, you have your family and friends, your occasional dalliances, but for a split second, you crave substance.

Most of your boys have gotten married, you’ve caught the garter at a reception or two and damn near all of your exes have jumped the broom. Through introspection, you pick apart your flaws and reconsider that “type” you swear you didn’t have. You recall those relationships and realize that all of the blame wasn’t yours. Sure you were immature, your eyes wandered and your body followed, but the women you dealt with have to take some responsibility right? Well don’t they? I mean, they allowed you to push the boundaries of the relationships until they broke or you stepped off, so it can’t all be your fault correct?

After thirty seconds of contemplating any truth in that statement, you man up and decide that you’re tired of showing up with a different date to every function with your friends and their spouses, or just showing up alone. The dysfunction on Reality TV is actually attractive because you miss constant companionship and every crush that you find on Facebook is married or has kids and doesn’t have time for your game anymore.

Next thing you know you’re on BlackPeopleMeet.com or frequenting places that parts of you had forgotten a long time ago, writing poetry and status updates that reflect a change of heart, a change of you. It takes time and effort to convince the folks who know you well, but the biggest challenge is making yourself believe this is the path for you. A few first dates and unreturned calls may lead to a return to those late-night texts, but you’ve grown and you want more, but no one has the answers of how to find more. So you return that type---no, not that type, the type you outlined way back when Nia Long was Nina Mosley, the woman you designed in your mind that was made for you. All these years later you gave up on finding her, but with new eyes, you realize she’s everywhere; you just have to dig beneath the exterior of the women you encounter.

There’s the key! You have to take the time to get to know women, really talk to them and discover their interests and allow them the opportunity to do the same. Of course you’re subjecting yourself to hours of rambling and in between tales of shoe shopping and lovers of a not-too distant past, you arrive at the realization that you can do this relationship thing and even if it doesn’t work out with her, you’re ready for all that comes your way. Yes, men of a certain age are completely ready for life as some of you may know it, that age varies, just give us time. Besides, none of us wants to be the old nigga in the club!

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