I sat down and I'm not sure exactly where I'm headed with this message. I guess love is on my mind, all kinds of love and no love at all. I was thinking of the kind of love it takes for a man or a woman to look the person they claim to love in the eyes and proceed to kill them. I've never understood that type of love, maybe it's beyond reason, beyond love, obsession.
Or the kind of love that sits on a man's heart when his very definition of perfection is marrying another man? Is he supposed to be happy that she found that forever type of love? Where does that type of love come from?
Some say love is easy, love is blind, some love hard and some don't love at all. I once read that love was the act of absolute selflessness, I wonder, can my selfish ass be that selfless?
The days leading up to my birthday are usually an emotional rollercoaster for me, because today is my grandmother's birthday and I guess that has conjured up all of these emotions in me. She's been gone just under thirteen years, but each year, I feel like I need her more and more.
As I navigate through this crazy world, I realize that its the type of love that she gave me and my family that I am missing right now,the kind of love that I'll probably never give. It is that love that causes me to camouflage tears in the shower, because I miss her so much. It is that love that allows me to push everyone away, because I never want to feel that abandoned again...
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