Top 5, Dead or Alive!

Top 5, Dead or Alive!

It's been two months since I was last here, wow! So much has changed, macked the car up, The Sopranos returned, I'm getting ready to move, and another strip club was closed! But, one thing has been constant, the insomniac is still alive and well! I watched my Monday night television (Prison Break, Monday Night Raw & then reruns of Law & Order), but I can't fall asleep afterwards. So, like usual, I try to watch a movie and hope to nod off, didn't work.

I was watching "Sheba, Baby" starring Pam Grier and I got to thinking, she's a bad mama jama, so I came to the computer to share with you what I call my top 5 Dead or Alive. There's always so much debate about who's the best rapper, basketball player, comedian, etc...So I figured I'll try my hand at it and give yall my top 5 choices as the Baddest Women ever!

But first, let's take a look at my Fantastic 4, the girls on the come up!

My Favorite Hoodbird! Keyshia Cole
Doesn't she just remind you of Red Kool-Aid, Hide and Go Get It & Planned Parenthood?

Coral from MTV's The Real World

She makes me wish I'd sent that audition tape to MTV!

Toccara Jones

I LOVE this Big-Boned Chick!

&

Megan Good

She done GROWED up nicely!

Now, for those who just didn't quite make the cut:

Pamela Anderson - Damn the silicone and that little video thing with Tommy Lee, this is a bad white girl!

Jennifer Lopez - I think Ja Rule said it best, "It must be the ass!!!!"

Tyra Banks - Why am I on Victoria's Secret mailing list again? Oh yeah, her!

The Girl From The Jamaica Poster! For years she had me wanting to touch down in Kingston & blaze a spliff singing "One Love!"

Catherine Zeta-Jones - I'm trying to figure out how Michael Douglass' old ass pulled this one and knocked her up! I've watched quite a few movies over and over again just to see her.

Jayne Kennedy - Leon Issac Kennedy became "Too Sweet", then "too broke" and she skipped out on him. But can you forget when she walked across the way in "Let's Do It Again" and made Bill Cosby crash? My clutch got stuck too!

Jada Pinkett (Smith) - Petiteness! Somehow she keep a dude ready to follow her all over ther country (Jason's Lyric, Menace II Society), but from A Different World to Will's side, she's held it down for the little women and that short haircut???!!!

Now , the controversy begins...How didn't Janet Jackson make my Top-5? Like, We've known her since she was Penny? Then, Willis was busting a slob with her! Then, she grew up and got freaky! She's Janet, Ms. Jackson if you're nasty!

Now, Janet did not fall out of my Top-5 because she popped a titty out during the Super Bowl!

She did lose a couple of points because she's in love with a Gargoyle (Jermaine Dupri), but that didn't do it!

She dropped out of the Top-5 because she looks like this right now!

And Now....The Top-5!

#5 - With Janet falling out, who could've taken her spot? Angelina Jolie, that's who! I can't blame Brad Pitt for upgrading his chick when he had the chance, I mean, she's about 30 & Jennifer Aniston is 40, no-brainer! Even though she wierded me out tonguing her brother down and she was married to Billy Bob and the tattoos are a bit much, those lips! I'll say it again so you understand, Dem Lips! Man, I'll adopt all the little Cambodian babies you want girl!

#4 - She had a nigga watching the stories yall! I mean, I was programming my VCR to see Nia Long on Guiding Light! She had the boys in the hood cutting class to get to the Catholic Schools! Made Larenz Tate fumble drinks, Martin poking through the fat suit, Alfie got it in on the pool table and Craig for Debo for her!

#3 - The Original Foxy Brown, Coffy, she's Sheba, Baby! Pam Grier! I watch those movies just waiting for her to spill out of her blouse, change clothes or just get butt naked busy! The thing is, 30 years later, I'm watching The L Word waiting for the same damn thing!

#2 - Perfection! Halle Berry. nothing more to say. As a crackhead, I loved her! As a stripper, loved her! When they said she was crazy, loved her! When she flased her boobies, loved them, I mean her! When Billy Bob was getting them backshots in, loved her! I just love this woman! Poor Eric Benet!

And if you know me, then you know who's holding down the Number 1 Spot!

#1 - I'm about $349,999,999 from being able to get me a woman like this! I mean, she's got hips like her mama, loves fried chicken, may not be too bright, but she make a brother wanna grown hair so she can put my du-rag on! Beyonce!