For the unfamiliar, the Summer Rules are a list of social codes me and a few friends of mine came up with a few years back to maximize summer fun, but minimize you looking like a fool!
There are certain rules that never change, they have become the "golden rules" so to speak:
1. Please preserve your sexy and moisturize! Make sure you hit the hot spots twice! You know the hot spots, your heels, elbows, knees, that area next to your thumb and fellas, hit the pinky knuckle!
2. There is still no reason to wear those Chinese laundromat slippers...or crocs!
3. Fellas, if you insist on showing your toes, at least keep your toenails clipped and never wiggle your toes while talking to another man!
4. Ladies, keep the Nair near, there is never just cause for you to not shave. India.Arie is not the standard for sexiness!
5. For those of you buying those suit separates at the mall, make sure your whites match, it is really not a good look stepping out in bone and off-white at an all-white affair!
6. Know your body...please, deodorant is your friend on a hot summer day.
7. And as always, know your role! If you're street booty, stay in street booty's place! Don't be upset that you didn't get the invite to the Maxwell concert, he's taking his woman, you're going to that Bobby Valentino show where only 29 other people will be and they are all creeping!
Now that those are out the way, it is time for the Recession Edition of the Summer Rules:
8. We know the money is tight, so a free concert is a good look for a first date or if you're into a relationship already. There are a few good concerts scheduled for this summer (summerstage.org or brooklynconcerts.com), but don't try to substitute them for really taking someone out all summer.
9. I know we're all trying to conserve dollars and it helps that we haven't had those scorchers yet, but when we do, sitting on your porch until 3am is not air conditioning! If you don't get your country ass down to Walmart and get one of those units with 5,000 BTUS or whatever!
10. While I'm on the subject, it is never a good idea to cookout in your front yard. Nope, not ever! If your backyard can't sustain the grill and a few members of your family and friends, there's a spot with plenty of space and greenery, it's called the park.
11. Fellas, are we back to washing the cars in the park on Saturday? That's so '86!
12. Ladies, I know the summer months build up a little hate in some of you, because 'tis the season to get married. So, if you suffer from BBS and one of your girls is getting married in the coming months, go get Chrisette Michelle's CD and walk it off! Stop trying to steal her joy!
13. I know some of you spent the last 8 or 9 months in the gym, getting your body together just for these three months (that's another story), and you're eager to show them off. However, let's limit these public displays to the beach or the amusement park. Walking down the street with your shirt off makes it look like you just came home and I don't mean from work either!
14. For those of you like myself who did not diet or do one pull up, let your outfit reflect your work ethic!
15. I know we're on the verge of a depression. but going to Seaside Heights or Wildwood is not a vacation! If you can get there on a half a tank of gas and $3.65 in tolls it is merely a little getaway!
16. For those of you that have proven to be just a bit recession proof and manage to get someplace where the water is indigo blue, congratulations, keep that to yourself, no need to stir the haters' hate!
17. If you work in the school system and have the summer off, cool, don't gloat! Don't hit your friends up on Facebook talking about how good All My Children is or text someone asking what you up to, the response will probably read like this, "I'm at work Nigga!"
18. If you're one of the fortunate parents that sends their offspring South for the summer, remember that you are still somebody's mother or father and that you are not on spring break sophomore year!
19. No big weaves or wigs this summer! If you're not on stage, sorry to tell you, it looks foolish!
20. Also, the paparazzi is not following your every step, take the shades off indoors and at night, you aren't Kanye, there are no flashing lights everywhere you go!
21. Put the dark liquor away and get a summer drink, a mojito or long beach iced tea. Dark liquor + heat = bar fight!
22. Do some summer reading with a title that does not replace the "s" with a "z", have thug, ride or die, hood, or something about the game in the title. Pick up "Can you Hear me Now?" by Dr. Michael Eric Dyson so you can talk about more than what you read on Mediatakeout.com at lunch.
23. Taking off Tuesday because you got too drunk on Monday night is not a good idea. Taking off Tuesday to get drunk all day Tuesday, is not a good idea. Taking off Tuesday to go to Six Flags is an excellent idea! You know you're down to two sick days, use them wisely.
24. Stay out of grown folks business! Stop trying to get your Wilona Woods on, trying to be the Rhona Barrett of the ghetto, if something was meant for you to know, you'll find out. Other than that, worry about your trifling ass!
25. Wendy Williams, Toya & Tiny, Frankie & Neffie and much more ignorance is coming to Black Exploitation Television this summer, do yourself a favor and boycott BET until they decide not only to entertain, but enlighten the babies! If you haven't noticed, your little chain snatcher is listening to "Turn my Swag on" and "Halle Berry" twenty times a day, ignorance is setting in!
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