Damn I wish I said that line!
Instead, I stood in my living room and told my would-be wife
that I could no longer be her friend, I had fallen in love with her and the
time had come for us to either move into a relationship or simply go our
separate ways. We had gone months as friends, talking to one another whenever an
occasion freed itself, we were hanging out more and more and the vibe between
us had definitely moved out of the “friend zone”. Yet, here we were, still
undecided about if there was going to be an “us”. We both had some things to
sort out, but at that moment I made it clear, I did not intend to spend another
day as just her friend, I wanted her as my woman. There were some tears, a
conversation, but obviously we aren’t just friends anymore. I wasn’t given her
an ultimatum, I was simply declaring my position so there could be no
confusion. I wasn’t interested in dating anyone else and didn’t want to leave
room in her mind to think that I didn’t want to be with her, so this
conversation was necessary, because the nature of our relationship was changing
and we needed to be clear about what was happening.
Too often we leave space for doubt and when there’s doubt,
there’s confusion. I’m a firm believer that confusion is a root of evil in
relationships, so avoiding that gray area when dating or married or even just
kicking it is a must. However, many of us have been so scarred by previous relationships
that something as simple as having a conversation about the direction of a
relationship becomes a burden. Often, men will avoid the conversation, in hopes
that eventually things will progress on their own and she will become his lady.
Other times, we become overzealous and over-commit ourselves, moving much faster
than the situation called for and dealing with more than we’re capable of at
the time.
In either case, the purity of the relationship can become
contaminated; if you wait and string a woman a long, trust and believe that guy
who simply says “hello” to her at the gym may be joining her for drinks when
she skips her Zumba class. Although we believe women to be the more emotional
of the sexes, they are pretty logical as well and if you haven’t made a move to
commit to her after an extended period of time, she’ll start to get the feeling
that this isn’t going to be anything more than what it is. Sure, you’ve talked
about the possibility of a relationship and you text throughout the day, but
all of that talk not followed by the action of making it real, seems like every
other guy she’s dumped before she even said “hey” to you.
Conversely, you could be the guy that’s pressuring her to
pass “Go” without collecting her $200 and really getting to see what it’s like
to be with you. You’re the serial monogamist moving past dating to marriage and
skipping the essentials to building a successful relationship. Giving you guys
a chance to grow as a unit before taking the ultimate plunge because going back
to change what time didn’t allow isn’t a possibility, so getting it right
should be paramount. However, we’re conquerors and many times, planting our
flag takes precedence over doing things correctly. When you look at it that
way, it’s no secret why so many relationships fail and quickly. Ultimately, how
we communicate and work together to move forward in a relationship is, along
with friendship, the foundation of what healthy relationships are built upon.
Yet, we have so many brothers out here sending mixed
signals. You’re telling a woman that you want to be with her, but haven’t acted
on your words or we have cats proposing with empty ring boxes and promises just
as such, but aren’t committed to the basics. At the root of it all is fear; I took
a chance on losing a great friendship, but the risk was having a beautiful
wife, so I stepped out of any trepidation lingering in my Adidas and made it
known that I not only wanted to be with this woman, but I wanted to maintain
the principles of our friendship as we moved into the romantic portion of our
relationship. Sometimes fear causes us to miss out on something real, other
times it makes us put a band on an illusion, hoping it becomes real. The result
is the same in either situation, your name attached to those words you hate to
hear: alone, unhappy, depressed or bitter.
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